On waking up this morning, I realized one thing: how much I would rather be a pirate living in my current situation than who I am: myself. Some notable reasons include:
1. Waking up would be infinitely easier. If I set the alarm clock, but upon waking to its incessant ringing, instead of greeting the new day, I could merely smash said alarm clock with little real repercussion. If I were woken by a person, there are several options at my disposal: A) threaten them; B) stab them with my scabbard; C) growl. The most desirable course of action is option C, of course, as it requires the least effort with, hopefully, the most maximal gain.
2. Even the most rote of tasks would be inordinately more entertaining, merely with a few vocalizations. "Avast, these pretzels are making me thirsty!" suddenly becomes an entertaining phrase rather than a complaint.
3. Coercing through the threat of physical harm is transformed from something laughable to what is an ultimately useful action. Imagine, the average computer programmer attempting to convince an eight-year old boy -- of no relation -- to brush his teeth: "Gyhar, if you don't brush your teeth, I'll make ye an orphan with a peg leg!" doesn't have quite the same force behind it as if a pirate had shouted it with a glint of murder in his eye and a knife along his throat.
4. Two words: puffy shirts. As evidenced in a fifth season episode of Seinfeld ("The Puffy Shirt"), it is evidenced that this pirate-style garb is the ultimate panhandling tool. "Can you spare some change for an old buccaneer?"